I have a confession: I am a huge worrier. No matter how many times I force myself to read scriptures on worrying, friends remind me that I a being ridiculous, pray pray for peace, or remind myself (or God reminds me) that He will take care of me, I have the most difficult time leaving my worries behind and trusting God. That being said, let me give you a short list of my ridiculous worries about Kenya:
- How bad my clothing will smell when I get back (after nearly two weeks under the Kenyan sun, you can bet it will be quite the smell to worry about)
- My roommates reaction to that smell
- Forgetting hairbands and waking up with some new unwelcome pets in my hair… Let’s just say, I learned my lesson on our first trip to Kenya
And a few more serious ones:
- I worry that I will callous my heart and refuse to let it be broken by what breaks Gods heart
- Letting my fears stop me from loving the children and the Compassion projects the way God desires me to love them
- Not going home with my family and flying straight to school
I have told myself over and over again that these worries are (for the most part) illogical (though I would argue that the smell thing and the hairbands are completely logical). Though one worry that I cannot get out of my head this week is the last one, not going home with my family. I know it is silly to worry about re-entry before I have even left for the trip, but I have never come home from a trip without my family, I’ve never come home without someone who was on the trip with me, I have never even flown into a different airport than my home town airport as my final destination. I have always been blessed with an extremely loving and supportive environment to come home to. An environment where I can take my time to process the things I have seen and know that if I act strangely after the trip because of the processing I am doing, my family will completely understand.
This time I will come home to a different airport, a friend will pick me up, the next morning I will go to an eight-in-the-morning Spanish class, and will not see my family until Easter. I worry that I wont let myself process what I have seen and done, I worry that the ladies on my dorm floor wont understand when I act strangely, and I worry that I will be more homesick than ever, wishing that I could sit around the dinner table with my family and discuss the ways that our hearts were broken.
I know it is silly to worry, and luckily, I am almost too excited to worry now that the trip is just six short days away; but I ask for your prayers about my worries anyway. I ask for your prayers over the trip in general, please pray that God will work through us, that we will not let our worries or fears stand in the way, and that upon our re-entry we will be able to listen to the things God has pressed upon our hearts.
Oh, and if you feel so inclined, pray that my roommate has a plugged nose when I get back!
The Colors of Julia 